#20 The one that broke your heart the hardest

I don't know about you, but I definitely agree with the lyrics of this song.

The person who is #20 of this writing challenge happens to be my first boyfriend, that infamous Barney (it's actually Bryane, but I thought Barney was a cute rearrangement of the spelling and it's stuck since). We dated for two years; when I was in secondary three and four and everything was fine and dandy (I'd really liked how he was musically-inclined), until the pre-breakup period; everything's always fine until something big happens. I remember how he'd wanted to break up with me a few weeks before the O's (what a jerk!) but was too afraid to say it, so I'd helped him with the verbalizing over the phone. Oh, and when I asked if there's a third person involved, guess what he said? Nope, no third party; it's his parents - they want him to have a Christian girlfriend. What a convenient excuse.

Before morning assembly the next day, I opened the school locker, where I'd kept all the neoprints that we've taken wasted our money on and little presents that he's given me over the two years, took all of it out and chucked them into the bin. I hesitated for just a short little while before I put them away, but ultimately, I made sure all of it went into the bin before it was time for flag-raising.

Thankfully, I managed to cope surprisingly well at the initial stages right after the breakup; by putting more effort into the final preparation for the O's. Even more thankfully, my results weren't too badly affected; in fact, they turned out to be much better than what I'd anticipated. On a side note, I like to give myself a pat on the back occasionally for being rational like that even at the lowest points of my life.

But things went downhill after O's; for the next 6 months at least. There was no longer anything that I could work towards in the short term; since all I could do was wait for the release of my results and the start of my first semester at TP, so I harped on the negative emotions quite a fair bit. Not only did I think about how nice it'd be if we could get back together, but I'd also acted on it. I pestered him on the phone, kept a diary for him even after things were over between us... and did many other silly things you'd expect a lovelorn 16 year-old girl to after her first breakup. I was desperate.

A few months after our breakup and all the stupid things I did in the name of love, I spotted him with a girl at Parkway Parade - I took it to be his new girlfriend since they were holding hands and all, and I went home to bawl my eyes out after. At 16, that was my first brush with betrayal in relationships, and I didn't like it one bit. That was the time when I told myself this has got to stop; he's just not the one, get over it girl. I entered poly soon after and life got tonnes better instantaneously.

I do not keep in contact with him any longer; he became suspiciously nice after he broke up with said girl in the previous paragraph and I didn't like where things were headed. It's inevitable that I'll have to receive my first painful relationship lessons one time or other, and it's happened that he's just the one to give me those lessons. I used to detest him a lot after my 'lovelorn period', for the lies and betrayal of trust, for dropping such a big bomb on me just before the most important exams of my life, and for being happy with a new partner when I was sad and miserable, but... ...not anymore! I am so much more than that pettiness, and besides, I bet I'm living a much more fulfilling life than he is now.

ps. I find it funny that the Barney that I've been talking about of late is my favourite character on HIMYM, and that he represents the exact opposite of what my first boyfriend, Barney is.