It was during one of those conversations where we were disagreeing again with each other's views that I got a clearer understanding of what my father really feels and thinks about me, and what my generation encapsulates.
To say that I was slightly hurt is a bit of an understatement when my Dad simply declared that the younger generation (mine, fyi) has "completely no moral values". I don't know if it's because of me, and all the times I've been disagreeing with him, that he's having such a terrible impression of us, but it hurt especially so since I've always looked to him as a role model for his diligence, responsibility and resourcefulness - pretty impressed that he got into gardening not long ago and has been on the lookout for ideas on Google to help his plants grow better. Of course he wouldn't know that how much I look up to him. In his opinion, I'm probably a terrible daughter because I'm constantly refuting him vehemently - not been heeding his well-meaning advice for god-knows-how-long.
It hasn't always been this way. He started off as my hero. The one who used to carry me back to the bedroom when I fell asleep in front of the TV; sometimes I'd even pretend to be asleep so I got to be carried. I wonder if he ever found out about that. He was the hero who would be away for months at a go for work. The hero who'd bring back exotic goodies from different parts of the world when he's back. The hero who got my brother and me our first grey and bulky Gameboys that were all the rage back in the day.
When people asked me what did my father do, I'd proudly announce "He's a captain who's sailed many seas" like it was a great deal and it honestly was a big deal, at least to the little girl I once was. Whatever my father said was treated as the biblical truth and he could never be wrong. Even when he was. Of course, I hadn't known better back then, with no access to the internet and zero idea of how the world really is.
Is this a result of my education? My learning journey in life made me made me embark on a path of serious questioning. Many a times, it includes what my father's said at some point or other. I started getting annoyed by some of the assumptions he'd make of people, things and places.
Here are some examples that really tick me off:
- Archaic views of people with tattoos as 'bad',
- Travelling to developing nations IS endangering my life,
- People who talk to themselves are always mad (through a student, I learnt about involuntary tics),
- Travelling is just a waste of money,
- Every country I'm travelling to is bound to be a target for terrorist attacks,
- People who talk to you on the road are crooks in disguise,
I could go on but you get the drift.
Unfortunately, there's bound to be some slivers of truth in the things he say. However, I can never bring myself to take them too seriously because whatever information he's got or what he's saying is based on his personal experiences from 20-30 years ago from his seafaring days and much has changed since. I would probably have paid more attention to his words had I started travelling back then since he was definitely more 'in-the-know' when he was an active seaman in his younger days.
He hardly ventures beyond Singapore these days (DREADS travelling because of supposed threats all around) and I highly doubt he has an inkling of how developed the countries he's been dissing really are. In addition, following the news as closely as he can is his daily commitment and it just seems like the whole purpose of it is to let us (family members) know how terrible/dangerous things are elsewhere in the world - probably to discourage us from travelling.
I do not agree with his views that we should be living in a cocoons and protecting ourselves from all the different dangers there are out there (how weak is that going to make us; not learning to take risks, resulting in our mediocrity? How are we going to adapt and learn to solve problems if we fear moving out of our comfort zones and challenging boundaries all the time? Can you survive our ever-changing times with this mindset? What worked for 20 years ago might not work in the present, much less the future.
As you can tell, there are a hundred and one things or more that we disagree on or have very strong views on. To say that I'm void of any moral value because of our differences in perspectives though, is making me really sick and tired of starting another similar conversation with him.
Why must it be so hard to agree to disagree?
To say that I was slightly hurt is a bit of an understatement when my Dad simply declared that the younger generation (mine, fyi) has "completely no moral values". I don't know if it's because of me, and all the times I've been disagreeing with him, that he's having such a terrible impression of us, but it hurt especially so since I've always looked to him as a role model for his diligence, responsibility and resourcefulness - pretty impressed that he got into gardening not long ago and has been on the lookout for ideas on Google to help his plants grow better. Of course he wouldn't know that how much I look up to him. In his opinion, I'm probably a terrible daughter because I'm constantly refuting him vehemently - not been heeding his well-meaning advice for god-knows-how-long.
It hasn't always been this way. He started off as my hero. The one who used to carry me back to the bedroom when I fell asleep in front of the TV; sometimes I'd even pretend to be asleep so I got to be carried. I wonder if he ever found out about that. He was the hero who would be away for months at a go for work. The hero who'd bring back exotic goodies from different parts of the world when he's back. The hero who got my brother and me our first grey and bulky Gameboys that were all the rage back in the day.
When people asked me what did my father do, I'd proudly announce "He's a captain who's sailed many seas" like it was a great deal and it honestly was a big deal, at least to the little girl I once was. Whatever my father said was treated as the biblical truth and he could never be wrong. Even when he was. Of course, I hadn't known better back then, with no access to the internet and zero idea of how the world really is.
Is this a result of my education? My learning journey in life made me made me embark on a path of serious questioning. Many a times, it includes what my father's said at some point or other. I started getting annoyed by some of the assumptions he'd make of people, things and places.
Here are some examples that really tick me off:
- Archaic views of people with tattoos as 'bad',
- Travelling to developing nations IS endangering my life,
- People who talk to themselves are always mad (through a student, I learnt about involuntary tics),
- Travelling is just a waste of money,
- Every country I'm travelling to is bound to be a target for terrorist attacks,
- People who talk to you on the road are crooks in disguise,
I could go on but you get the drift.
Unfortunately, there's bound to be some slivers of truth in the things he say. However, I can never bring myself to take them too seriously because whatever information he's got or what he's saying is based on his personal experiences from 20-30 years ago from his seafaring days and much has changed since. I would probably have paid more attention to his words had I started travelling back then since he was definitely more 'in-the-know' when he was an active seaman in his younger days.
He hardly ventures beyond Singapore these days (DREADS travelling because of supposed threats all around) and I highly doubt he has an inkling of how developed the countries he's been dissing really are. In addition, following the news as closely as he can is his daily commitment and it just seems like the whole purpose of it is to let us (family members) know how terrible/dangerous things are elsewhere in the world - probably to discourage us from travelling.
I do not agree with his views that we should be living in a cocoons and protecting ourselves from all the different dangers there are out there (how weak is that going to make us; not learning to take risks, resulting in our mediocrity? How are we going to adapt and learn to solve problems if we fear moving out of our comfort zones and challenging boundaries all the time? Can you survive our ever-changing times with this mindset? What worked for 20 years ago might not work in the present, much less the future.
As you can tell, there are a hundred and one things or more that we disagree on or have very strong views on. To say that I'm void of any moral value because of our differences in perspectives though, is making me really sick and tired of starting another similar conversation with him.
Why must it be so hard to agree to disagree?
