Polarity.

In our history and culture class today, we watched 《玻璃之城》- The City of Glass, and approximately 10 minutes of《圍城》- Besieged City. According to my tutor (and my short-term memory storage capacity), the first movie is symbolic of the growing uncertainties faced by HK (and its citizens) pertaining to the 1997 hand-over from Britain back to China, and it also represented a general picture of the lavish lifestyles of the elites here. I found the pace a little slow and slightly over-romanticized, but though I didn't enjoy it as much as I'd have liked to, it gave me a pretty comprehensive picture of what being rich and successful in HK means in the late 1990s, plus the recurring song that was played, Try To Remember, was nice. The music video above contains some scenes from the movie; you can catch the movie on Youtube if you want, there are 11 parts in all. 

This was the second movie that was shown to us. We only had time to watch 10-15 minutes of the introduction, but it managed to stir up so much more emotions compared to the first. Perhaps the reason for that was because the few opening scenes had to do with education and I felt more strongly towards that, and it depicted not just one, but quite a number of scenes where the young characters reveal a sort of helplessness in escaping the cruel poverty cycle they're stuck in. In contrast to the first movie,《圍城》- Besieged City reflects the under-privileged citizens of HK in an area well-known for its poverty and crime-rates, called 天水圍 [Tin Shui Wai].

I think my tutor selected the right movies to depict the contrasting HK identities that make up their society. Though I cannot say that I have grasped a very good understanding of what makes up the some of the internal identity conflicts of HKers, I have a much clearer picture of the struggles that they have to face within themselves now.

 Looking at other countries' cultures has made me self-reflect on our own culture and national identities; I cannot help but think that it's so similar back home after today's lesson. Prior to that, I've never put in much thought to think about what being a Singaporean means to me; that part's always been taken for granted but I will start thinking soon.

#3 My parents

Today's entry will start with a confession about something that I'm not extremely proud of - it makes me sick with shame now whenever I think about it and you'll probably hate me when you're done reading. Once upon a time, I used to write 'hate entries' in my diary dedicated to my parents, Mumsy in particular because I thought that she was always picking on me and that she loved my brother much more than she loved me. I remember how these silly entries would always be about how selfish they were for not listening to what I had to say, them ignoring my repeated pleas to learn to play the guitar/violin because they will be a distraction to my studies, how they are always putting me down in front of our relatives, how they'll always shift whatever blame onto me first instead of anybody else whenever shit happens, how they're placing excessive emphasis on my studies, how they're not respecting my privacy by looking at my letters and the list goes on. Sounds really bad, doesn't it? I was such an ungrateful little bitch during the time I went through puberty, and it'd probably lasted all the way from when I was 11, till 15.

I never gave them enough credit for all the love that they've showered on me (though they almost never show or say it explicitly) but I constantly picked on whatever rule or restriction they had for me that pissed me off, compared them to my friends' parents who always ready to give in to most, if not all of their whims and demands and even said nasty things to them in their faces in my moments of fiery pique when I should really be thanking them instead for bringing me into this world, for providing me a wonderful sibling, food and shelter, for safeguarding me from dangers that lurk beyond the social boundaries of a 12 year-old girl.

But I didn't. Because I was such a selfish little girl who couldn't see anything else beyond myself, that the world doesn't revolve around me and me alone; though I wasn't really blind to how hard my parents were slogging to give YF and me a comfortable life (digressing, my Dad's a sea-farer and he'd be away for months at a time and Mumsy's a wool/yarn merchandiser at an uncle's company), I (actually had the cheek to) think that it is only right that parents should provide the best and only the best for their children; that is a given and cannot be argued upon, and I picked on every bone I could find on their upbringing of YF and me - food's never tasty enough, our clothes looked awful, toys were never fancy, don't give enough encouragement, blah blah blah. I never saw their strict demands on my education as them wanting the best for me, but I saw them as being unreasonable and not understanding enough.

I said the nastiest things to just about them and everything that they've given me, but they NEVER once uttered a word of complaint for bringing YF and me into this world. For all the heartless things I used to write about her, Mumsy never once complained (not to me anyway) about how tough it was for her to have carried me in her womb for 9 freaking months or how sad she must have been to give birth to her firstborn when her husband wasn't in Singapore.

I'd like to think of all the selfishness that I've described above as a passing phase of my life, or for anyone else's for that matter (to make myself feel a lot better for being such a horrible kid in the past) and I'd also like to think that I'm well past that phase now. However, I know whichever way I'd like to think of the past will do nothing to erase or even ease any of the heartache that my parents must have gone through while I was growing up, and I cannot do anything to change this. For that, I regret and hate myself for my immature selfishness. Try as I might, I may not even be able to repay them a tenth of what they've given to me all these years. I can only wish that both my parents will not bear any grudges towards me, and will accept all the love that I have for them from this moment on.

Over the years, I came to realize and accept that most Asian parents (the older ones mainly) are never really good at expressing their love and pride towards their children explicitly; it's not that my parents don't love us, it's just that they don't mollycoddle. Mahjong chatter aside, it's just not considered polite to talk about your child's achievements, especially when your own sons/daughters are doing much better than your relatives'. Once, while I was driving, I teased Mumsy, in a good-mannered way of course; about how her past constant putting down of me in front of other adults came to have a negative impact on my self-esteem. She did look rather guilt-stricken after I told her this, but it only lasted for all of 1 minute. And then she slapped me playfully on my arm for making her feel bad.

Anyway, just in case you were wondering how are we getting along these days, Mumsy is one of my best pals now; we're on such good terms that I even started calling her by her name (YF started this!) even though it pissed her off a little initially haha. And coming to HK for exchange has made me even closer to her, I talk to her nearly everyday on Skype - sometime last week, she expressed heartache for me when I told her about the occasional pangs of loneliness that I'd experienced now that I'm in a foreign place with few friends and that made me tear :,( I'm really glad with the way things are currently, and I hope they stay this way forever (digressing again, I will never use the word forever with boyfriends but I think it's perfectly alright to use them to describe situations with parents).

I love you, Mumsy and Dad!

I'm sorry for making you read my sob-story, but I feel so much better now after getting this off my chest. And all of you who bothered to read till the end, please go and show your Mums and Dads some love. NOW.

"it is one thing to give an account of what happened in the past and in the process expose the shabby motives of the periphery actors, be they individuals or governments; it is quite another to maintain that current practice as a continuation of the policies of the past"

Long overdue (photo) introduction to my host school

It's been one and a half months (there about) since my arrival in HK, and while this particular 'introduction' post may be more than just a little overdue, I guess you guys will probably not mind reading it anyhow.

My first night here with Gladys and Zhenhui was rather memorable; we managed to grab a taxi at Tai Po Central (Sg's equivalent of Jurong Point and surrounding environment) and the driver brought us to the institute within 15 minutes. However, we spent like at least 20 minutes after the driver dropped us off searching for the security office so that we could collect our room keys; we spent a lot of that 20 minutes climbing down a scary flight of stairs with our luggage.

Some very nice security officers showed us to the ground levels of our respective halls, and after filling in 10,000 forms, my hall's security officer finally decided to hand my room keys to me and informed me the way to the lift. Speaking of which, the lift system here is a little different from what we're used to back home. Instead of heading straight from ground level to the eleventh floor, you have to change walk through some swinging doors and change lifts at the 3rd and 6th floors - that was really annoying at first because we had to walk much more than usual, and I was constantly worried that the swinging doors would hit people walking behind me, but... I think I'm more or less used to it now, and I haven't been hit so far!

A sick sense of foreboding washed over me when I first arrived at my doorstep; on my door was a picture of this Disney villain (sleeping beauty btw, I had to google that):  

#1

I still don't understand why my roomie chose to stick her face on our door of all the Disney characters, but whatever rocks her boat lor. I've gotten used to seeing this villain everyday now. I didn't meet my room-mate until a few days later because it was the end of year holidays, and anyhow, she turned out to be a very busy person (works part-time at Disneyland) who doesn't usually come back to hall to spend the nights. You can say I'm enjoying a single-deluxe room most of the time.

#2

#3

#4

#5 I think I got up at 6 in the morning when I took this. Very early, by my standards!

These are the views that I wake up to every morning (when it doesn't rain). Not too bad right? Still got mountains in the background. I live on the 10th floor, so yes, I'm lucky that I have such a good view. When I was talking to one of my neighbours a few days ago, she told me that the view's the only redeemable thing about our school haha. I don't quite agree lah, but then again, I'm a student on holiday exchange, we're bound to think differently about these matters.

Oh, and the accessibility of our school in HK can really be compared to NTU. Both locations are equally ulu, but at least the buses come frequently and they don't get so crowded over here. :)

#6 My humble abode. Nothing too fancy, but I really love being in my room whenever I have to stay in.

#7 The entrance to IEd (eye-ed); first building (with the green walls) is the hall that I'm staying at currently.

#8 Signposts at the bus-stop.

It was CNY some two weeks back so the student representatives of our hall put red slips of paper and bottles of black ink and brushes on tables on all the different floors so that we can write some lucky words for ourselves. 

A very nice floor-mate wrote this for me:

#9

I definitely hope I'll be lucky and happy for the rest of the year too! Anyway, the slip at the back doesn't really mean anything when you read it in Mandarin (or as the locals call it Putonghua), but I think it means to give Zhang's heart to Jun when you read it in Cantonese. My room mate very sweet to her boyfriend hor.

#10 Random picture of bananas in a bowl

#11 Dark Chocolate Vitasoy. Nice!

#12 The Original in kids' packaging.

I'm trying a little hard to finish the remaining packets of my coconut soya milk la - while I'm usually not too fussy when it comes to food, I really don't think coconut and soya milk is a good match. Oh well... at least now I know I don't like it too much.

So... my grandmother stories come to an end for now. Hope all's well back home! xx

Things I understand.

UPDATE - POINT #5

So, I typed out a long and emo-sounding list about some of the things that I don't understand in life sometime ago. I'll try to come up with a some things that I understand to counter some of that negativity now. 

Here goes!

#1. I understand, that in life, things don't always go the way you want them to; you may not get that A grade for an assignment or a promotion at work even after you've put in your bestest efforts, not every new stranger you meet will become your best friend, and the restaurant may be out of your favourite dish when you're craving for it so badly, your parents aren't exactly fond of your new boyfriend/girlfriend, etc etc BUT hey, you can always learn to deal with them, and mold the outcomes to be in your favour. Screw it when you hear the next person say "lemonade" when someone else says "when life gives you lemons, make..." Go grab some salt and tequila, a few close friends and have a party instead.

#2. I understand, that people have different views for just about anything and that while I feel strongly about something, I should never come across as trying to impose my ideas on people who don't share my points of view. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinions, and as they always say, to each his own.

#3. I understand, that while we may have been taught since young about what's right or wrong in the society (and by the society), I have come to realize that the world is not always divided between black and white. Sometimes, you just cannot point a finger at someone and deem him/her as a bad/good person because you (dis)/agree with the thing(s) that they've done, or just because you have a different set of values.

#4. I understand, that I will be saying this for the upteemth time, but please don't mind me for counting my blessings once more, I am very lucky and fortunate indeed to have been born to my parents who raised me up so nicely *ahem*, gave me a wonderful brother, and to be surrounded by such awesome friends who always give the greatest support as I live my life out and try to enjoy it as much possible.

#5. I understand, that I am not exactly the most popular person in school, or anywhere else for that matter, and I understand that my ideas and strains of thought are not exactly mainstream. But that's okay, because I don't expect anyone to agree with me, and I'm not going to care anymore about what everyone else think of me because the ones who care enough will accept the things that make me me!

<3

you cannot please all.

Had a nice Facebook chat with Jenny tonight and she had some advice for me: "You can please one, but you cannot please everyone." Not going to try again, or at least that's what I'm telling myself for now.

I shall just continue enjoying the rest of my time here in Hong Kong. 

Why did I take such a long time to figure this one out? I mean, everything's really within my control. Right? ;)

ps. that's not me in the two pictures in case you're wondering; my cousin lah. 

(first) 'busiest' week in HK

First, and hopefully the last. 

I have two presentations this week, lots of reading to catch up on, and finally two more reflections for the NIE module that I promised the course coordinator that I'd write so as to miss out as little as possible while I'm here. For the first time in this exchange programme, I'm feeling slightly stressed out. Good for me, really!

Not.

Blah

good rabbit, bad rabbit?

有一種不祥的預感，這個兔年我的運程會很差，因爲犯了三大禁忌。

除夕夜，雖然我從印尼回來后和KH碰了面，還一起去逛花市，我卻既然忘記把欠他的200港幣還給他；欠錢過年，就是我犯的第一個禁忌。逛完花市，回到宿舍之後，因爲室友都沒有打掃房間的習慣，加上房間應該有好幾天沒人住了；到處都是塵埃，讓我覺得房間實在太髒了，所以我就忍不住在初一淩晨拿起掃把；狂命的打掃特掃，犯了第二個禁忌。大掃之後，我不由得流了一大把汗，弄得一身都是粘粘的；在沖涼房沖涼時，我便不管三七二十一，決定洗一個舒舒適適的熱水澡，連頭髮也一起洗；犯了第三個禁忌，好運應就這樣同洗了身子的污水一起流下沖涼房裏的小水溝。

我不是一個迷信的人，但是心裏頭還是因爲破了禁忌而感到不是很舒暢。有一點（就那麽一點而已啦！）覺得很慶幸自己現在不再新加坡，要不然一定會被媽媽罵得狗血淋頭。。。

兔年的運程到底會不會因爲我破了那麽多禁忌而爛透呢，讓我們遲暮以待吧！大家新年快樂！