A friend recently asked me, "How long have you been single now?"
I stopped for a few moments to rummage through memories that I've been collecting in my mind over more recent times for the answer. When I finally did manage to find the answer, it somehow felt a little odd that I was surprised by it.
4 years - that's how long it's been since D.
Wow.
It just doesn't feel like it's been 4 years.
Times like that make me question my judgement of time; I can't decide if 4 years should feel much longer or slightly shorter than my current perception of 1461 days.
Times like that make me question my judgement of time; I can't decide if 4 years should feel much longer or slightly shorter than my current perception of 1461 days.
Happily tripping along (pun unintended), I've managed to get clearance for my uni course and, hey look, who's a full-fledged (beginning) teacher now? I couldn't have imagined myself visiting all the places that I've visited or doing all the wacky things that I've done 4 years ago too; much less do some of them solo. Meeting all the wonderful people along the way, it's been an amazing journey and I can't be more happy with how my life has been unfolding thus far.
Citing the main reasons for the break-up back then as a need for personal development and self-discovery, I would like to think that I've pretty much attained them, more than less. Not too long before I broke the bad news to D, I realized how terrible I was behaving as a person, daughter/sister, friend and girlfriend. It was then that I started thinking about how it was important for me to become a better person before I got into yet another relationship, after nearly 3 years of being in 2 relationships without any hiatus to reflect about things. And of course, it was also important to have my share of fun before things start getting slightly more serious.
Just a couple of things I'd done/am still doing since the big break:
I'd...
- learnt to love and define myself for who I am instead of getting addressed as the girlfriend of someone else,
- gotten out of my comfort zone and put myself in places and situations I never wanted to be in not too long ago just for the heck of it; though this is not to say that I don't regret some of them,
- started becoming way more appreciative of my family (especially) and friends who were always there,
- begun telling myself that it's alright to make mistakes (I'm trying very hard to convince my kids now),
- become more open to differences; be it in terms of ideals and beliefs, preferences, etc,
- and importantly, reflecting a lot about myself and some of the things happening around me.
I don't think it'd have been possible for me to have enjoyed life as much if I haven't been doing any of the above-mentioned things during this period, so yea, I believe that I'm a changed person (however slight) now... for the better, thank you very much.
Having drawn that new conclusion about myself, I now feel somewhat ready to continue growing, alongside another person this time round. I'm glad I was talked out of "waiting till I turned 30" sometime late last year, because it was only then that I started to go out on casual dates with new people. It's been a few interesting experiences so far... and they've all given me a much clearer idea of what my preferences are.
I'm obviously not ready to make any serious commitments right now, but if someone apt comes along... who knows what's going to happen?
Citing the main reasons for the break-up back then as a need for personal development and self-discovery, I would like to think that I've pretty much attained them, more than less. Not too long before I broke the bad news to D, I realized how terrible I was behaving as a person, daughter/sister, friend and girlfriend. It was then that I started thinking about how it was important for me to become a better person before I got into yet another relationship, after nearly 3 years of being in 2 relationships without any hiatus to reflect about things. And of course, it was also important to have my share of fun before things start getting slightly more serious.
Just a couple of things I'd done/am still doing since the big break:
I'd...
- learnt to love and define myself for who I am instead of getting addressed as the girlfriend of someone else,
- gotten out of my comfort zone and put myself in places and situations I never wanted to be in not too long ago just for the heck of it; though this is not to say that I don't regret some of them,
- started becoming way more appreciative of my family (especially) and friends who were always there,
- begun telling myself that it's alright to make mistakes (I'm trying very hard to convince my kids now),
- become more open to differences; be it in terms of ideals and beliefs, preferences, etc,
- and importantly, reflecting a lot about myself and some of the things happening around me.
I don't think it'd have been possible for me to have enjoyed life as much if I haven't been doing any of the above-mentioned things during this period, so yea, I believe that I'm a changed person (however slight) now... for the better, thank you very much.
Having drawn that new conclusion about myself, I now feel somewhat ready to continue growing, alongside another person this time round. I'm glad I was talked out of "waiting till I turned 30" sometime late last year, because it was only then that I started to go out on casual dates with new people. It's been a few interesting experiences so far... and they've all given me a much clearer idea of what my preferences are.
I'm obviously not ready to make any serious commitments right now, but if someone apt comes along... who knows what's going to happen?
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