STFU

When people say annoying things that are totally uncalled for sometimes,

I think to myself quietly

weekend in brief

'twas a great weekend to the last official week of lessons.

Caught Company at NLB on Friday evening, thinking that it'd give me a clearer idea
of my take on singlehood, relationships and love... though it sort of ended with me being slightly
more perplexed bout these issues than before. But... since it's really quite pointless to worry
bout these things for now, I'll just let things be what they currently are for now.

Met up with the usual ktowy fellas after the play a random pub in the
Duxton Road cluster to have a few drinks. Ah Ong finally brought his girlfriend to meet
us and we all had a few good laughs over the dice version of Bluff, credits to my non-existent lying *cough* skills. On hindsight, I think it might've been due to the bad fengshui of my seat...
or maybe it was just the alcohol... hmm.

Woke up slightly late and slightly groggy on Saturday morning as a
result of the drinks last night. Jenny gave me a wake-up call that somehow made it feel like
uni mornings all over again; getting all flustered for waking up later than I should. We attended a
brief workshop on coffee appreciation together at Highlander, along Kampong Bahru Road and it
was interesting to learn more about the roasting process of coffee beans, what goes into the roasting of our local kopis, and the main types of beans available out there. We even had a go at making our own latte art for our cappucinos; though it was barista's hands doing most of the work. Met Bun after she renewed her passport and we hopped over to CSHH for a quickie brunch + yet another coffee.
Mmm... tasty patties and salami sandwich indeed.

Moving onto Jolb's place after, whatever plans we had made for a
barbecue were quickly dashed with the onslaught of a heavy drizzle-turned-downpour.
Thank goodness the weather was the only depressing part of the evening. To ensure that the food didn't go to waste, Jolb's mum deep-fried some of the prepared food and we all had a good chat with her over our processed and sodium-laden dinner. Their warm hospitality made the evening turn out to be such a cosy affair, against the backdrop of a gloomy overcast sky outside the tall glass windows - 是幸福的.

After the rain had subsided, we decided to head to the pool for a dip. No thanks to
the rain, the waters were brrrrrr-eezing (by my standards, they were freezing)... but no matter,
we still managed to waddle in the jacuzzi pool, splash water at one another,
belt out drony out-of-tune ballads and swim a couple of laps as I froze
 my buns off. I can't remember when was the last time I did anything
like that (probably the Bali days a few years back?)
and it was awesome.

Numb fingers, body all stiff and cold, the girls let me take a shower first. I couldn't help
but feel like I was an upright frozen drumstick that was being thawed as the hot, running water from the tap washed over me. Slowly but surely, I felt life returning to my body, starting from the fingertips -
那也是幸福的.

Made it down to ECP on Sunday and I headed out to sea for a quick surf. Body's still
aching from the very short session but I'm glad that the longboard's finally taken care of and I can now move back to the shortboard that I've very ashamedly left at Uncle Richard's workshop for the
longest time ever!

It's the second unofficial day of school holidays so far and I think I've cleared most,
if not all, of the mandatory work I need to complete. It's a couple more days to go before we're
flying to Queensland and yes! I can hardly wait.

the E word

Ego.

This three-letter word is a tiny heavyweight; 

its mere length of 3 letters is by no means an accurate indication of 

the frightening conceitedness some people seem to have.

The ones who insist that they don't, usually have tonnes of it. 

If you're not observant enough, you might just fall for it.

It is nearly impossibile to hear a sincere (forced, maybe) apology from their mouths.
Their declinations to accept help from anyone and everyone - 

"nope, I don't need your help, I can do it on my own" (sounds familiar?)

can be seen as an indicator of independent behaviour, 

but when overdone, simply become outright refusals in accepting that 

there can be methods/answers better than theirs.

They must just really be afraid of having that proven.

Ironically, the ones who will not hesitate to admit that they are full of ego

usually have that in them in much lesser denominations.

They reach out for helping hands (that don't mind 

lending themselves) in times of need,

not forgetting to say "thank you" after the help's been rendered, of course.

They understand that no matter how good they may be in something, 

there will always be someone else out there who will be better, 

stronger or smarter.

Ego.

All of us have some of this self-importance in us,

some of us a little more than the rest.

In 5, 3, 1 and poof

On hindsight, I don't remember hearing my own voice shaking that badly 

when I first stood in front of my class to address them some few months back.

I'd said what I had to say.
Who knows, I might regret what I'd done tonight in time to come,

but for now, I can't be any more glad that I've gotten rid of the laden stone in my heart.

Time to get better :)

Henry, temporary.

Being a closet stickler for ulu places, I had to visit after learning that this cafe had only been set up a few months ago but will only be around till next February. The building where it's located is set to be enbloc-ed for future redevelopment, so most of the other tenants have already vacated the premise. Apart from the handful of residents who have yet to move out from their homes, and just a couple of other operating shops, it was very much void of the usual buzz found elsewhere on our island...

which is exactly what I love about such places.

However, despite the seemingly deserted exterior, it would take only a second to realize that business was rather brisk upon entering the cafe. It's not a big place (at all); all indoor and outdoor (pet-friendly) tables were taken up so we ended up at the bar counter until some other patrons left. 

The folks who were working diligently behind the bar counter to serve us the yummy offerings were really approachable and friendly; the lovely fair lady wasted no time in explaining the difference between black and white coffees when I inquired.

I ordered a cappucino and it came with a cute little morsel of a home-made (I'm assuming here) chocolate cookie; a lovely touch. And while the coffee's been highly-raved, I found it somewhat unpalatable to my unseasoned taste-buds. I thought it tasted a little tangy and ended on a sharp but bitter (is that possible?) note; not a finish that I particularly enjoy. Anyway, I shall try the other variations if I ever drop by again soon; I'm sure my taste-buds will not have too much difficulty finding something they enjoy.

To fill our tummies, we had the Flourless Chocolate Cake, Nutella Banana Panini and a serving of some Savoury Scones.

flourless choc cake - I like how the top-crust cracked and the slice crumbled when we stuck our forks in, its dense texture and the satisfyingly rich chocolatey taste. For cheapskates like me who refuse to pay for another slice, the only gripe we would have is... why so small slice? :(

Okay, just kidding - I really wanted to try something else instead.

nutella banana panini - This homely and comforting combination can hardly (if ever) go wrong. It was a sweet treat that was well-worth the calories; long slices of banana and gooey nutella sandwiched between the warm and toasty chewy bread. Oh and did I mention that they were awfully generous with the nutella spread? We had trouble keeping the nutella from oozing out of the edges of the panini, only to form tiny 'wasted' blobs on the plate - but knowing the glutton that is me, of course no nutella was 'wasted' in the process of devouring this tasty treat.

We had some savoury scones (cheesy and 'chivey') too. Baked-to-order, the crumbly insides of the scones were piping hot when served. Quite a pity that the serving size was rather tiny though. 

The minimalistic set-up of the temporary space consisted of simple plywood bar-tops, naked incandescent bulbs dangling from the ceiling, lovely radio music (YES), and a range of tasteful magazines for customers' reading pleasure. The crowd ranged variedly from families (inclusive of aunties, uncles, fathers and mothers - who'd have thunk they're into such places too) to dating and married couples, bffs, etc.

That afternoon, we talked about how it was possible to understand "the feeling of having one's balls shrunken" (without needing any) as we looked at mind-blowing photographs of people balancing on trapezes high up in the foggy mountains, and learnt that both the atomic bomb and Comic Sans are considered to be in the Top-10 list of Worst Inventions - at least according to a particular magazine.
Oh, and I also managed to my Science scripts marked. Talk about productivity!

四

A friend recently asked me, "How long have you been single now?" 

I stopped for a few moments to rummage through memories that I've been collecting in my mind over more recent times for the answer. When I finally did manage to find the answer, it somehow felt a little odd that I was surprised by it.

4 years - that's how long it's been since D. 

Wow. 

It just doesn't feel like it's been 4 years.
Times like that make me question my judgement of time; I can't decide if 4 years should feel much longer or slightly shorter than my current perception of 1461 days.

Happily tripping along (pun unintended), I've managed to get clearance for my uni course and, hey look, who's a full-fledged (beginning) teacher now? I couldn't have imagined myself visiting all the places that I've visited or doing all the wacky things that I've done 4 years ago too; much less do some of them solo. Meeting all the wonderful people along the way, it's been an amazing journey and I can't be more happy with how my life has been unfolding thus far.

Citing the main reasons for the break-up back then as a need for personal development and self-discovery, I would like to think that I've pretty much attained them, more than less. Not too long before I broke the bad news to D, I realized how terrible I was behaving as a person, daughter/sister, friend and girlfriend. It was then that I started thinking about how it was important for me to become a better person before I got into yet another relationship, after nearly 3 years of being in 2 relationships without any hiatus to reflect about things. And of course, it was also important to have my share of fun before things start getting slightly more serious.

Just a couple of things I'd done/am still doing since the big break:

I'd...
- learnt to love and define myself for who I am instead of getting addressed as the girlfriend of someone else,
- gotten out of my comfort zone and put myself in places and situations I never wanted to be in not too long ago just for the heck of it; though this is not to say that I don't regret some of them,
- started becoming way more appreciative of my family (especially) and friends who were always there,
- begun telling myself that it's alright to make mistakes (I'm trying very hard to convince my kids now),
- become more open to differences; be it in terms of ideals and beliefs, preferences, etc,
- and importantly, reflecting a lot about myself and some of the things happening around me.

I don't think it'd have been possible for me to have enjoyed life as much if I haven't been doing any of the above-mentioned things during this period, so yea, I believe that I'm a changed person (however slight) now... for the better, thank you very much.

Having drawn that new conclusion about myself, I now feel somewhat ready to continue growing, alongside another person this time round. I'm glad I was talked out of "waiting till I turned 30" sometime late last year, because it was only then that I started to go out on casual dates with new people. It's been a few interesting experiences so far... and they've all given me a much clearer idea of what my preferences are.

I'm obviously not ready to make any serious commitments right now, but if someone apt comes along... who knows what's going to happen?

getting psyched

for AUSTRALIA!