departe

I like what I do, really do. But at the same time, I'm perpetually thinking about what life could or would be after this phase. It fills me up with so much hope and yearning that I could just explode from all that anticipation sometimes. And I really don't need anyone to remind me it's not a good thing to think about leaving when I've yet to even officially begin; personal notes to self have been far more frequent than you'd expect.

pity

"If you let it go, it’s not meant to be."

These words continue to ring in my head after Siao shared them with me during our TP days. In fact, they’ve been ringing more loudly than before as of late.

It’s not often in life that you come across people (not for me anyway) whom you get along with such perfect congeniality; similar dispositions towards life, tastes in hobbies, and even mutual attitudes. It's always with great pleasure that I welcome such people into my life.

I can't remember the last time I felt this way (close friends will attest otherwise) about anyone; mainly the sheer excitement displayed on my face and in my speech at mere possibilities of things that could/might be. But then again, I am reminded that many things can get me excited quite easily. 

Things don't always turn out the way we would like them to in life; we can envision things to be as beautiful as we want them to be in our minds but fairytales are not called fantasies for nothing. I used to scoff at those who'd say things like "too bad we didn't meet at the right time/place" when they meet people they really like because it seemed to me that they weren't taking enough initiative. A large part of it probably still holds true, but I learnt now to see that desires and states of mind do in fact affect the 'rightness' of situations.
I hope that doesn't sound like I'm making excuses for myself.

And the pity in the title?
That'd refer to the untimeliness of things and mismatch of wants at the moment.

It'd be helpful to remind myself that nothing really needs to come out of this at the end, just becoming slightly more aware of emotions that I'm capable of feeling is not such a bad thing after all.

And yes, don't be afraid of letting go too!

faith

or lack of.

I'm talking about the kind of faith that's usually linked to religions here.

Sometimes, I find my lack of faith in religions mildly disturbing when most people around me seem to be so in touch with their Gods.

I've just finished reading Mitch Albom's "Have A Little Faith" for the second time and what struck me was remembering how I'd been feeling the exact same way when I read the book the first time round.

People always say that reading a book for the subsequent times after the first usually bring about new perspectives/enjoyment on certain topics because subsequent readings would usually open up new strands of thoughts and allow one to gain a more in-depth understanding of whatever they're reading. Judging from how my second reading of this book went though, it looks like it can't really be applied here; I certainly enjoyed the reading, but I don't think I went away with many fresh perspectives.

I loved it how the author was always bringing up the point that it's absolutely possible for religions to exist in harmony; however explicit or implicit it may be, like how he could marry someone outside of his faith and still be very much in love, how his beloved rabbi and a Catholic priest walked hand-in-hand after a nasty dispute, how the rabbi was BFF with his Hindu caretaker, or lastly, how he as a man of the Jewish faith would help a Christian organization raise funds through his journal articles.

Some of my favourite quotes from the book:

"Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe."


"You should be convinced of the authenticity of what you have, but you must also be humble enough to say that we don't know everything. And since we don't know everything, we must accept that another person may believe in something else."


"Nothing haunts like the things we don't say."


"Remember, the only difference between 'marital' and 'martial' is where you put the 'i'."


If you know me well enough, it's not hard to see why these are my favourite quotes (I think!). I hope that I won't forget why these are my favourite quotes in time to come, when life starts to get slightly busier with work.

Some ending thoughts on the topic:

Even though I'm not exactly the most faithful/religious person you may know (having scoffed a couple of times at some of the pious things that people do or say in the name of their Gods, I'm so going to hell for that), I understand the need for religions because of the hope they can give to their believers. Hope is such a powerful motivator; it not only gives people something to look forward to, but it also gives them the emotional strength to work towards that something.

That said, I find it lamentable that humans often need religion to remind us to give thanks and be appreciative of the wonderful things that we are exposed to in our lifetimes. That we need religion to tell us what is right or wrong, and that we become overly dependent on these moral compasses. I find it a little sad as well that people sometimes manipulate the words of religions to gain favour for their planned actions and believers simply buy them blindly.

Religion is good (for some), but I guess I'm not really part of that some. Not for now anyway.



While we're on the topic of this, the book somehow answered a questions I've always had in my mind: What should I say when someone says "God bless you!" but I don't exactly believe in god? Instead of letting things hang on an awkward note, I'm going to try saying "God bless you too!" when this happens again anytime soon.

Thanks for the new perspectives?

New people who enter our lives make us start thinking differently about the same old thoughts that we've been playing in our minds all this while.

Sometimes, all we really need is a short break to clear our minds before we can move on with our lives.

A moment to express gratitude

Had been feeling pretty off the entire day, no thanks to someone who'd made me doubt and question my stature as yet another insignificant individual.

This was supposed to be a self-loathing, self-indulgent, emo and whiney entry that would make me seem like some self-pitying expert, but I'd just watched a documentary that described hardships faced by some of our founding mothers and got a timely reminder of how fortunate I am to be born in this day and age.

Tonight I'm thankful for many things, and just to name a few:

I'm thankful for the roof over my head,
I'm thankful for the food in my belly,

I'm thankful for my comfortable bed
(and blankie which I'll snuggle under in a few moments!),

I'm thankful for the love from my family,

I'm thankful for the laughter and joy my friends have brought me,

I'm thankful for the hot water showers I can get,

I'm thankful that I only need to turn on the tap when I am thirsty,

I'm thankful for the many opportunities to travel,
I'm thankful for the education that I've received,
I'm thankful for the opportunity to give back,

I'm thankful for my very existence (however insignificant),

and most importantly,

I am thankful for being able to express my gratitude for these little things that make up my life

- yes, even at the expense of sounding like the most naggy person on earth.

So, thank you dear Samsui ladies. For contributing to the early progress of our nation, and for the timely reminder that nothing we face can be as tough as the hurdles that you've had to get through during the peaks of your lives.

Grey areas

As we grow older, things that could be easily pin-pointed as right or wrong in the past don't seem so clear-cut anymore; black and white zones are no longer mutually exclusive, and the grey area has also increased tremendously.

The accumulation of life experiences and lessons over the years has made it so much easier, and yet, also much harder to make objective judgements evaluations about the people and events in our lives. So much easier because we are now better equipped with the vocabulary to talk about it, but more difficult due to clashes of personal beliefs, or the realization that everyone can be unwilling victims of circumstance (sometimes).

Am I finally sleeping early tonight?

All along, I've thought that I was someone who couldn't be very much bothered about what other people think about me. And I think that is how people see me too (please verify). But with all the crazy events that's happened as time went by; without referring to any particular incident, I realized that I actually care about how strangers, or mere acquaintances look at me, even though it is not enough to bother me to irritation or annoyance. I also realized that it is nearly impossible to not be affected by what they say, or the types of disapproving looks they cast upon you when you do something that they don't entirely agree with you on.

So, what you can do to continue enjoying what you are doing, is to ignore them la. They are entitled to their views, and so are you. They can continue to bitch about what you're doing, and you can also continue with whatever that is pissing them off. Hate comments? Ignore. Gossip behind your back? Ignore.

Sounds like the simplest thing to do ever; I wonder what took me so long to realize this.

ps. and yes, it's only 1.44 a.m. right now. I am sleeping early tonight.

The one place I wouldn't mind going over (and over and over and over...) again.

Some days, I wish I can travel back in time; back to some of the best days of my life. If only life is a video-recorder; we can record some of the best moments that we have, and at a later point in time, all we have to do is just press the rewind button and then press play to playback. Sure, there's all that photographic evidence... but photographs are really in a different category by themselves, they don't exactly allow you to relive the moments in transition; you have to piece them together piece-by-piece.

And in spite of what I've just ranted on about, I'm still thankful beyond words that I have these pictures with me.

It wasn't just about the island; it was the island, the yacht, the experiences, and the people combined all in one.

Those were the best days of my life.

Which is heavier, 1kg of cotton or 1kg of iron?

Because you are not my primary five kid, I'm assuming that you already have the answer in mind. I don't know how we ended up discussing this question when we were doing English and Math instead of Science (in the first place), but he absolutely refused to believe that they weigh the same even after I explained to him the concepts of density and volume. He said that he would write them as equal in exams if he has been taught to do so, but that is not what he believes.

If it's so hard to even change the beliefs of a young child after by proving your ideas with facts and figures, I can't imagine what it'd take to change that of grown-ups like you and I.

No, not now.

Lifting away that mentality that something must come out of what I'm going through... makes me feel a lot better already. I would like to elaborate just a little more, but it's 2.36 a.m. now and I have an eight-thirty lecture in just a few hours, so... maybe tomorrow during my 6-hour (mighty) long break.

Thanks guys!

Like a drug.

It all started with a dream.

Since that dream, I've been on a high for about a week now, and I've behaved in the most ridiculous manner in front of my closest friends (please don't let it out guys!), had them laugh at me for being the joker I haven't been in the longest time ever.

But I know all about withdrawal symptoms and I know I'll probably be going through it soon, like now. I don't want!

Leaving.

I cannot move on until I learn to let go.

Forgetting...

I realized, it doesn't take me (and maybe you too) a lot of effort to forget about things.

Using the longboard today made me feel as though I've nearly forgotten how to windsurf; maybe it was the big chops, maybe it was the really narrow board, maybe it was the heavy sail (everyone's been telling me how heavy my sail is), or maybe, it's really just me. I guess I haven't been getting enough water time for the past two weeks, with the KL and HK trips taking place. And I must have lost my arm power somewhere along the way. The result? I spent all my time trying to get the damned sail out of the water when the wind was blowing its best knots for the day, it's such a waste I tell you. Agh, I'll do better next week. I really want to.

And... I digressed. The point is, in just two weeks, I forgot about the points of balance on the board and the basic steps.

That's all the time it took, two weeks. Bah

There's parent-teacher meeting for my new kid in school so she's taking a little longer than usual to get back home. So here I am, sitting on their porch, enjoying the lush greenery, chirping birds and buzzing insects surrounding me. It's my 5th time here and I'm still amazed at how magnificent this place is, in terms of it's size. It can easily pass off as a hotel, with that swimming pool and grand porch. A pool in the house, it'd be perfect when I'm having my late-night swim cravings.

How do people get so rich, seriously. Not just rich, but mad rich la.

Anyway, it feels like the house is pretty much cut off from the rest of the world out there; hidden by all the trees that line the perimeter of it. Seems like a perfect escapade from the busy urban life; like a holiday home... How lucky of the residents of this bungalow to be able to retreat back home to such a lovely place everyday.

The Best Present I Can Give Myself...

is a one-way ticket to whichever country I'm really keen to visit. And of course, have enough money at the end of it to make my way back home.

Maybe, just maybe, at the end of my 8-year bond, I'll do just that.

If Happiness is A Choice...

more than just smiling faces

why are there people who deny themselves of it and choose to waddle in unhappiness all the time?

I just don't understand it. 

I've been having quite a few points of ponder about life and its issues of late. Instead of helping me understand the bigger picture of life, they're all making me really confused.

ps. I REALLY feel like changing my blog URL again :x

Friends

What makes a friend more than just a mere acquaintance? What do you think?

I don't have too many friends, and I've probably said this one time too many but still, I'm thankful for all these angels/devils that I call my friends. I love the crazy moments we have; all that joy and tears.

It took me 3 past relationships to realize the importance of friends, yes I'm slow like that, but I believe there're people out there who are far worse off. There were so many times when I was the 重色轻友 asstard; putting my friends up because of a last-minute date with the ex-bfs (read: treating them like my spare tyres), or not getting into contact with friends just because I've been spending way too much time with the ex-bfs, or calling them up when I'm in need and other irritating stuff like that. But despite all that kind of shit that I've put my friends through, they were still there for me when anything bad happened. I actually felt ashamed of myself for overlooking you people when you lent me your shoulders to cry on.

There's no guarantees that I'll not be such an asstard again, but, I'll try my best when the time comes when someone comes along and sweep me off my feet. Hee.

I am blessed with the most awesome group of friends and I know it.

The Nightmare?

picture taken off 
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisjNmD3m0QwmxntaUDJwhqGatIMXLd-aBh5KV7VCKCUCcW7eV7kaQ7Z1H5HO9LHa8PpH7U1Yzyx2u6vUXiPdpWmD0sWo1UeKIkgnLvesVwQO-984HBEYRfSUE5Z7KYksP0iFD7BnMZpK4/s400/snow.jpg

What is scarier, the creepy encounter that you had last night or no one taking your encounter seriously? That was the question I woke up to, in my semi-conscious state. No one believed me when I told them there was 'something' lurking in the cupboards, and whatever it was, the 'thing' decided to give me hell. I wish these things will never happen in real life.